Painful Past
by Eternities Angel
Summary: Kenshin still deals with his past but he isn't the only one with painful memories of the war. What does Kaoru hide that is making her so restless and faded from them? read and find out!


Shrilling screams haunted her mind as she walked away from the burning village. She could taste the smoke as it filtered through her lungs with each breath she took. No tears stained her eyes despite all the blood she had shed for the sake of ideals. Ideals in which she cared nothing for… cared nothing for but fought from her own anger.

Kaoru slowly woke from her dreams but did not stir from her futon, but rather stared at the emptiness before her. Yahiko snored beside her but she was able to easily block the sound out by focusing her mind onto whatever she wanted.

Ebony bangs fell gently across her eyelashes, her blue eyes continued to stare at the wall, the empty solitude. Slowly she pushed herself up and folded the covers back. As quietly as possibly, Kaoru slid the door open and closed and walked towards the practice room.

There in the silence of the great practice hall stood the shrine. But it was not the shrine she came for. Kaoru silently made her was across the cold wooden floor and kneeled a few feet to the right of the erected shrine. Slender fingers eased the loose board up and there, lying in forgotten dust sat painful memories. Memories that were beginning to haunt her once more. But for what reason was beyond her.

Her fingers wrapped themselves around the small thread bracelet in the center. Its color far from bright but it still held its luster in her eyes. The feeling of the rough fabric between her fingers brought back memories…. memories that she didn't want to see.

Footsteps sounded down the hallway causing Kaoru to put the board back in place. She peeked her head out to make sure that no one was there, and quickly walked back to her room. Kaoru pulled the covers back over and turned on her right side back to the wall.

The morning came sooner than she had thought it would. After she had returned to her bed she didn't sleep but a few hours. Slowly she rose and quickly changed. Sliding the door open, Kaoru paused before she stepped outside and watched Yahiko sleep. His sleeping habits and habits over all brought a smile to her face despite the constant arguing they were in. Quietly the door slid shut before and Kaoru walked silently to the kitchen of the great dojo.

Morning slowly passed away and Kaoru drilled Yahiko harder and harder. He was beginning to perfect the basics of the Kamiya Kashine style. Now he would undergo the same training she went through…. well some of the training. Her mind drifted back to her past and found she was staring again into empty space. Hands tightened their grip in the bokken, knuckles beginning to whiten. Yahiko glanced over from his own work and saw her as stiff as a board.

"Kaoru? Are you ok?" He asked

"Uh… Oh! Yes I'm fine!" Kaoru said turning to him with a smile. "You're done for the day. Go see if Kenshin needs any help." She added quickly before walking off toward the woods.

Yahiko just stood there watching after her. This wasn't like her. Something was bothering her, but knowing Kaoru it was probably something she had to deal with on her own. But that didn't mean he wouldn't tell Kenshin.

Kaoru held the bokken with a wilted grip as her arm rested on her bent knees. Back against the tree, she tilted her head towards the blue sky and felt the warm breeze blowing through. Eyes closed, she took a deep breath and tried to relax her mind. Her memories were what had kept her up last night and it would again tonight. But why was this happening to her now?

Kenshin blinked twice before he decided to go after Kaoru. From what Yahiko told him about Kaoru's little episode, it didn't add up. She could have been angry but she would have normally just hit Yahiko.

Slowly he walked through the forest until he saw her sitting against the tree, eyes closed. She seemed paler than usual. Her face looked thinner with the hint of bags beneath her eyes. The bokken sat indolently beside her.

"Miss Kaoru?" Kenshin called as he stepped into the clearing. Kaoru slightly tilted her head towards his voice, her eyes seemingly so distant as if they were staring through him instead of at him.

"Miss Kaoru are you alright?" Kenshin asked as he squatted down in front of her.

"Yes, Kenshin." She said softly. "I'm just thinking."

"About what, if I may ask."

Kaoru paused as if afraid to even speak a hint of it, but finally said, "My past."

Kenshin watched Kaoru as the days slowly passed and on the third day he found himself completely baffled. He sat with Megumi and Sano as Kaoru went to the market with Yahiko.

"I don't know what's wrong with her, but it worries me." Kenshin said.

"Even I'm worried." Sano stated. "Usually she goes through her moments but she didn't even hit me when I insulted her cooking. She was just silent…. as if she didn't hear me."

"So do you think she's physically ill? Or that something else is bothering her." Megumi asked them. The two sat there scratching their heads, racking their brains for the most logical answer.

Finally Kenshin began to realize something. "She's been acting a lot like I was after the revolution." Both turned to look at him.

"What do you mean Kenshin?" Sano asked confused.

"When the revolution ended I felt so much pain for all the lives I took during the revolution. I isolated myself for days that soon turned into months. Then I became a wanderer, which gave me some peace, but I could never forget my own past."

"Well Kaoru has been out more lately by herself." Sano said quickly as he thought back on the few days.

"Do you think there's something in her past that's begun to surface?" Megumi asked.

"It might be the answer to our question but should we ask her?" Kenshin asked.

All three were quiet and didn't even hear Yahiko and Kaoru walk in. Yahiko helped Kaoru with the groceries to the kitchen and then went to find Kenshin and the others.

"Yahiko where is she?" Megumi asked.

"She's in the kitchen working on dinner."

Megumi silently stood and walked off to find Kaoru. Yahiko took a place beside Kenshin and looked at the two of them.

"So what did Megumi say?"

Kaoru sat quietly before the water bucket as she vigilantly shaved and cut the carrots, placing them in the hot broth beside her. Megumi knelt beside her and began helping her with the food.

"You don't have to help Megumi." Kaoru said softly.

"Its fine really. I like to cook." Silence. Megumi watched Kaoru peel the potato, still as silent as ever.

"Want to tell me what's bothering you?" Megumi finally said breaking the silence in the room.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's something I can never tell." Kaoru stopped peeling and looked up at Megumi, tears streaming down her face. "It's something I can never tell…or ever forgive myself for."

Megumi slept in the guest room beside Kaoru and Yahiko's room. Again Kaoru found herself sleepless again, and again she found herself in the practice hall staring at the bracelet and metal wristbands. But beneath the two objects sat something else. Slowly she reached for them and pulled them out. It was a white shirt and red pants sewn and worn in the style exactly like Kenshin's. This was her past; this was the outfit of Toki the battosai.

Kaoru quickly folded the clothes and slid the board back into place as she heard the door slid open. She remained still as Kenshin walked in.

"Miss Kaoru, what are you doing up so late?"

"I just wanted to find some peace." She replied with a sigh. Kaoru got up and crossed the hall without another word.

"Go back to bed Kenshin. You look tired." She whispered in his ear as she passed him, heading back to her own room. Kenshin watched her until she slid the door shut to her room before letting out a great sigh. He had hoped that this was just an episode for her but he was beginning to think that it was something more. His mind kept taking him back to the days after the revolution. Did this have something to do with the revolution?


End file.
